i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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