My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
