i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
