If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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