I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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