does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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