My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
soo... how was my night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
