So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
