so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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