Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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