so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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