remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
