I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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