just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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