I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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