My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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