Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
