I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
