I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
