I faked an abortion last night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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