and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
