Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
