he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
