The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
