Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
