i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
