i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
