i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
