Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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