dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
