I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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