as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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