Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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