i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
