Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
