Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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