So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
