That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
