Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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