pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
