If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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