i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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