We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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