census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
