i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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