Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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