come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
