I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
