All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
