I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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