I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
honey bunches of taint.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks