dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.