his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?