Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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