i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
