If i come over, it means nothing
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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