I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
