Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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