so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
