matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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