Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
