So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
