WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
