I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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