his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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