I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
