After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
